How to Use Tantric Masturbation as a Tool for Better Self Love

For many, the word ‘tantric’ usually conjures up an image of partnered play. And yes, tantra is closely linked to heightened sexuality between individuals. 

But actually, tantra is more so about creating a connection, whether that is with someone else or with yourself. And by practising tantric masturbation, one can create a deeper, more meaningful, and more spiritual connection with oneself, fuelled with self-love. 

You see, when you start to experiment with tantric masturbation, you can become more in-tune with your body by learning different ways in which to give it pleasure. This, in turn, can extend to other aspects of your life with you being able to identify what your body needs, be it sexual or other, and making sure that these needs are being fulfilled. 

And of course, another pro of tantric masturbation is the fact that it can intensify your orgasm!

So, given all of the chaos of 2020 and beyond, there’s actually no better time than the present to learn how to use tantric masturbation as a tool for better self love! 

Follow Discreet Boutique on a journey that’ll pave the way for better sexual experiences, mindfulness, increased self-compassion, self-esteem and self-awareness, and of course, better self love.

Tantric Masturbation: A Connection of Mind and Body

You may have heard the saying that your brain is the strongest sexual organ. And some may argue that this is entirely true. 

For example, think about a beautifully intense and sexual moment where you were fully immersed and present, either with someone or alone. The experience most likely wasn’t purely mechanical.

It probably involved a level of mental stimulation such as imagining a fantasy or having feelings of love, trust, and adoration, as well as physical arousal. This is essentially what tantric masturbation is about… having the body and the mind work together.

Preparing Your Body and Mind for Tantric Masturbation

Some find it extremely beneficial to practice meditating for around 15 minutes beforehand, which will create a moment for you to really look inwards and create an awareness of your thoughts and surroundings. 

You could also use those 15 minutes, or even 30 minutes, to focus on your breath. This entails breathing in deeply through the mouth and taking note of the air filling your entire body. Then, slowly exhale through the nose, taking note of the air leaving all the spaces of your body.

Stretching is also another way in which to prepare for tantric masturbation. Stretch your limbs, imagining all of the stress or worries weighing you down simply disappearing. This will help you to feel lighter and more free.

Lastly, you could start journaling once a day. This can help you to really examine how you feel, taking note of things that you may be lacking, and admiring the positive things you do possess.

Preparing Your Immediate Space for Tantric Masturbation

While your mental space is extremely important in order to enjoy and reach new heights with tantric masturbation, your physical space too is very important. 

For example, imagine trying to get your best work done when there’s a dozen construction workers building a house next door, and a dog nearby that simply won’t stop barking. This will probably affect your ability to focus, right?

So, to prepare your immediate space for tantric masturbation, try to optimise the things that you can control, such as the temperature, use dim lighting that makes you feel safe and comfortable, like candles, and or fill the room with a delightful smell, like incense or flowers. 

You can also make the space inviting with lots of pillows, blankets, and or playing sounds or music that allows you to feel relaxed and sexy.

The Act: How to Engage in Tantric Masturbation in Three Steps

When it comes down to the physical aspect of tantric masturbation, here are three steps you can follow, after you’ve practised your breathing and meditation, and have created a comfortable physical space…

Step One: Visualisation, Mindfulness, and Releasing all Taboos & Negative Thoughts

Get in touch with whatever makes you feel sensual and sexual. It can be imagining a fantasy, looking at something visually stimulating, a smell, a touch… anything that makes you feel aroused without any judgement or self-censorship. 

Try to forget about what society dictates as “good” or “bad”, and remember that embracing your sexuality is normal, healthy, and encouraged, whatever your pleasure may be. Remove thoughts about what you need to do in the future, and thoughts you have of the past. Tantric masturbation is all about living in and embracing the present.

It is also important to set an intention for your tantric masturbation experience. For example, maybe there’s a certain part of your body that you feel less comfortable with. In this case, your intention would be to give that part of the body extra love and attention.

Step Two: The Journey, Not the Destination

For millions, sex and sexuality is all about ‘reaching the finish line’ aka climaxing. But actually, by prioritizing foreplay and really getting in touch with yourself before finishing in a hurry, you’re in a position to really get to know yourself on a deeper level. This will also help you to slow down life in general in order to enjoy the simple and pleasurable moments and things.

And while you may know that touching yourself here or there is the gateway to climax, take your time to try stimulating new areas of the body, such as the hands, inner thighs, or wrists. These areas are known as the ‘secondary erogenous zones’ in tantra, and when you stimulate those areas mindfully using different pressures, strokes, or tickles, you have the power to experience a full-body orgasm.

You could also try to change up your regular routine by going for erogenous zones you ordinarily wouldn’t, such as the G-spot or the prostate

This self-exploration is a way to connect to new parts of yourself and to further enhance that body-mind connection that’ll transcend to a life with more self-love, self-adoration, and appreciation.

What’s also very important here is that you don’t become discouraged. It can be easy to want to give up and engage in your regular go-to masturbation technique. But if you’re patient with yourself, and understand that it’s a process, you’ll be rewarded with new ways of making yourself happy and to love yourself. 

And as Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century says: “Tantra never has an orgasm as the goal, only the intention of raising and exploring sexual energy”.

Additionally, Dr.Janet Brito, psychologist and sex therapist says, tantric masturbation has the power to increase your overall body awareness, boost the connection you have with yourself, and help you to understand your own sexual needs, which ultimately leads to an even better sex life with yourself and with a partner.

During this step, you’re going to want to continue breathing mindfully and deeply, moving energy throughout the entire body.

Step Three: Slow Your Roll Masturbation

Once you’ve slowly taken your time to work through steps one and two, it’s time to begin masturbating. The key, however, is to do it at a leisurely pace, almost slower than slow. 

Instead of going for gold, rubbing and touching vigorously, use soft and unrushed movements of touch. Try to use strokes that are unfamiliar to you, trying new techniques and sensations. 

For those with a vulva: try unhurried circles, diagonal strokes, or windshield-like movements around the clitoris. If you usually go clockwise, try anti-clockwise, or try tapping your clit.

For those with a penis: you could try cupping your balls, tapping or pressing the perineum, using the other hand, or creating a ring-like structure with your thumb and forefinger and squeezing the base of the shaft.

During this time, you may want to use lube which will heighten the sensation on the genitals or even all over the body. This can increase your feelings of arousal, and help those with a vulva who find it difficult to become wet.

Also, making sounds during masturbation can bring about even more energy into the body. 

And as Carrellas says: “Different tenors of sound activate different chakras in the body. Your chakras are a set of seven energy centres in the body, located from the top of your head down your spine, with the lowest being by your genitals. You make lower sounds to activate your lower chakras, middle pitches for middle-body chakras, and higher pitchers for high-up chakra.”

Enhancing Your Tantric Masturbation Experience

To enhance your tantric masturbation experience, you can definitely bring in a few extra bits and pieces that’ll make it even more tantalising. For example:

Sex Toys: You can try a number of new masturbation techniques and stimulation using a sex toy

Some examples:

  • Clitoral Stimulation: Try the SONA Cruise Clitoral Massager, an award-winning favourite that uses sonic waves to stimulate parts of the clitoris that we can’t see, creating a deeper and more powerful orgasm.
  • G-Spot Stimulation: KIIROO Esca 2 Ohmibod Massager is a remote-controlled wearable massager that stimulates the G-spot. You can use it solo, or have a partner control the device from near or far.
  • A Signature Fleshlight: Choose one of your favourite pornstars, like Adriana Chechik, and use a fleshlight that’s been created using their actual body casting.
  • Prostate Massage: The Njoy Pure Fun Plug is a stainless steel butt plug that’s been made to target the most orgasmic spot, the prostate! 

A Mirror: You could also add in a mirror if you fancy, which adds an extra visual element to this self-love practice. For those with a vulva, try using a handheld mirror to really look at and adore your most intimate parts.

Or, another great technique is to place your palms on your knees, and to gaze into your own eyes in the mirror whilst focusing on your breath. Fall in love with yourself, and your body.

The bottom line is, tantric masturbation is not just a delicious and sexual practice that has the power to unleash new sexual heights. It’s a way for one to really connect with and enjoy their bodies. 

And when one learns to enjoy their body, to find new pleasure spots and ways to love themselves, it transcends into other spheres of life, creating a world of self-love and beautiful confidence. It’s a win-win for everyone, especially you!

Helena is a sex-positive freelance copywriter in her early 30’s from Cape Town, South Africa. She’s travelled and lived in various countries in Asia and Europe for almost a decade and continues to live her dream — travelling the world independently as a copywriter. Having written for various companies and magazines within the industry, she has extensive knowledge in the field of sexual health, the escort industry, and sex toy marketing.