Whether you’re currently married, engaged, in a relationship, or single as heck, you are surely aware of that glorious phase called “the honeymoon”. This is when two partners have stars in their eyes, lusting over their significant other every single day.
And this period is not just about feeling those floating butterflies in one’s stomach when their better half walks in the room! It’s also about the sexual energy that’s simply addictive.
New couples who have taken the time to get to know their partner often start to experience nothing short of magic in between the sheets soon after. But what happens when the honeymoon phase is over?
To put in different terms: imagine peppermint is your favourite flavour of ice cream. And you eat it, and eat, and eat, day in and day out. And as you devour it, it feels as though you’ve been whisked away into the heavens above, absolutely enthralled with this peppermint ice cream.
But after two, five, or ten years, do you think your mouth will still water over the same peppermint ice cream? Sure, it’s possible for some. But for others, it’s time to shake things up a bit!
After all, there are tons of things you can do with said-ice cream to keep it fresh and innovative.
Which is basically the argument when it comes to the question:
Does Married Sex-Equal Boring Sex?
Well, there’s no right or wrong answer. But it is very possible that married sex could equal boring sex for one big reason: it’s fallen into a rut.
As humans, we like the idea of new. We often feel those butterflies in the beginning of a (sexual) relationship because there’s a level of uncertainty and excitement.
But as time goes by, sex with the same person could start to become monotonous, causing the desire to diminish.
And this doesn’t automatically mean that one or both partners are lacking in sexual desire in general.
In fact, they might still be turned on by all kinds of other stimuli, leaving them to wonder if it is just their partner who is no longer living up to their expectations in the bedroom.
It’s like the ice cream analogy: eating two scoops of peppermint ice cream from a bowl at the same time every day could start to be entirely frustrating and boring. But, imagine you decide to put that same ice cream into a blender, add a wafer straw, and drink it like a milkshake? Yep, married sex is just like that.
Is Your Sex Life in a Rut?
Enough about peppermint ice cream and butterflies, let’s get to the more meatier information that can help you if your sex life is in a rut.
Firstly, there’s no shame in admitting it. It’s actually very common for those who are married or in long term monogamous relationships!
And secondly, by following these 10 tips, you are well on your way to reviving your sex life…and perhaps even exceeding your sexual expectations!
10 Ways to Revive or Spruce Up Your Sex Life
1. Put “Sex” on the Calendar
This may not work for everyone, as it does negate the idea that we are enticed by surprise and newness. However, it could be a little touch of magic for those who want to really get their heads in the game.
For some, spontaneous sex can be a turn-off, as they may not be in the mood nor feel their sexiest or desired at the drop of a hat. They may also have things on their mind that may distract them during sex.
By putting sex on the calendar however, it allows both partners to really feel their best, prepare for the occasion, and to do things that might vamp up their sexual drive, such as masturbate or watch porn.
It’s also a way to make sure that sex isn’t being neglected, and you’re actively working on your sex life to keep it fresh and (hopefully) thriving.
2. Lack of Judgement
If you believe that your sex life is in a rut, there’s almost no chance of fixing it if one or both partners project a sense of judgement.
For example: if one partner verbally or physically indicates that they’d like to try something new, and their partner responds unfavourably, it could prevent any discussions of that nature in the future because of a fear of judgement.
The key is to be open-minded, and to be understanding and caring when new topics are being discussed. Even if you don’t fancy or agree with the topic.
3. What Are Your Fantasies?
Just as discussed, judgement is one sure-fire way to prevent partners evolving and changing in the bedroom.
And when one partner feels too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about their fantasies, they may begin to resent their partner. They may also believe that their sexual needs are not being met, which can cause huge tension in a relationship.
Having said that, with an open heart and an empathetic soul, find the right time to talk to your partner about what you’re craving in the bedroom. For some, verbal communication is difficult, so this could be done in a written letter or even a text message.
The key is to discuss your desires in a safe and non-judgmental space. And who knows, you may just have the same fantasies in mind.
4. Non-Sexual Conflict Resolution
So there are no longer fireworks in the bedroom? Surprisingly, this could be for a dozen other reasons besides your sexual compatibility.
For example: perhaps you and your partner are fighting a lot recently about finances, or big life decisions such as moving houses or cities, or taking on a new job. These things can transcend into your sex life, creating a kind of conflict.
To work through this “sexual blockage” find the best way to engage in successful conflict resolution. Once you have found a way to settle your challenges, you may just go back to magic in the bedroom.
5. Set Ground Rules
These can be fun and playful rules that put emphasis on both of your sexual needs. For example: you could make it a rule that both partners should orgasm at least once a day.
And remember: this doesn’t need to be during penetrative sex! It could be done in a variety of different ways like oral sex, mutual masturbation, or even somewhere sneaky like a public bathroom whilst take a video or selfie.
Communication is perhaps thee most important tip, as it translates into all aspects of any relationship. When there is constructive communication, where two partners are active listeners and problem solvers, nearly any issue can be resolved.
Find the best way for you or your partner to talk about and respond to thoughts and feelings, and allow both of you to speak your truth. Try to avoid things like kitchen sinking (allowing one problem to transpire into every little problem).
7. Role Play
It’s an oldie but a goodie. Sexual roleplay is not just about having fun and getting dressed up. It’s actually about assuming a whole new identity—one that may be more sexually open or have more qualities that one wishes they had in real life.
For example: you may be too afraid to approach a stranger in real life because you’re scared of rejection. But if you and your partner pretend to be strangers and have a night of wild and no-strings-attached sex, you won’t need to fear rejection.
You could also test the waters with new sexual activities, as it really is an experience of taking on a new persona.
8. Get Creative
Just like adding “sex” to the calendar, you could get creative by making a kind of “sex challenge”, or number of challenges, for you and your partner.
One such example could be “30 Days of Experimentation”, or “10 Days of Kink”. It could even be something such as “5 days of Sex Toys”.
With this idea, you would have a challenge or activity to do every day according to your chosen topic!
9. Sex Toys
Speaking of sex toys… if the idea of “XX Days of Sex Toys” excites you, take a peek at the Red Roses Sex Kit! It’s a 9-piece set of pleasure products for him and her, such as a bullet vibe, a butt plug, a vibrator with changeable heads for different kinds of stimulation, and more.
Or, lust over the Kiiroo Onyx2 and Pearl 2 Couples Set. This sex toy set is absolutely luxurious, and has something special for both him and her. The Onyx2 is a male masturbator and the Pearl 2 is a G-spot vibrator. Both contain Kiiroo’s exclusive technology, and are able to work long distances via their app.
10. Seek Help
Last but not least, if you feel as though there is something that’s come between you and your partner, sexually, yet feel as though these tips haven’t really been helpful, perhaps seeking professional help is a good idea.
This is because there may just be a medical or psychological reason, like depression, anxiety, or medication, that’s causing some tension or lack of desire in the bedroom. Or it could be something such as erectile dysfunction or an imbalance of hormones which is the culprit.
By visiting a professional, you can start to understand and treat these things, and work your way back to an amazing sex life once again.